{ love is my name }

coffee & fellowship

2009-09-01T08:14:00.000-07:00

I've never been a coffee drinker. This morning, I had breakfast with my husband and a few friends to celebrate a friend who's going away to college. The fellowship was definitely a great way to start the day...but so was the coffee. Southern Pecan Cream coffee, to be exact. Amazing. AH-mazing.

I highly suggest everyone start the day with friends and coffee....and french toast or migas. It will definitely do your body (and your heart) good.

this blog thing

2009-08-31T10:57:00.000-07:00

I know, I know. I haven't been around for a while.

Things are crazy right now. Lots going on, lots to think about, lots to pray about. It's hectic, confusing, frustrating, exciting, a million different feelings.

I thought this blog thing would be a good idea...thought it would help me verbalize and share more. I'm finding it very difficult to be completely honest about my life here. There are so many things I can't talk about here, for fear of someone reading it who it may pertain to. Can't talk about work unless it's totally positive. Can't talk about friends and family unless I'm loving them unconditionally.

Whose idea was it for us to share our souls in public spaces like blogs? Whose idea was it to encourage us to publish our weakest moments - you know, when you're having a terrible day and talking smack about everyone and everything. That's the things with blogs - you can't take it back. Once you've said it, it's out there, published for the world to google.

All of this is reminding me just how important it is to share your life with real live people, in the flesh. I have a few really close friends, but every time I open my heart to them, I feel like I should apologize for complaining about life. I hate to hear people complain, but I love to help them work through the complaining to find out what's really going on. Why don't I reserve that same right for myself? I always feel like I'm burdening someone else with my issues.

Not sure I'll ever figure out how to balance all of this, but I pray every day that God is transforming me from the inside out.

deep blessings

2009-08-11T09:43:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine's father passed away recently. I gave a devotion at an event we both attended and she thanked me for my words. Youn never know how you'll bless others.

I try my best to listen to what God is trying to teach me in my own life and then pass that on. I try not to say anything I don't need to hear myself.

I hope I continue to notice the marks left on me by various experiences in my life. It's hard sometimes to see how deep the wounds or impressions or blessings are. It's only when we get some distance that we realize the depth of God's presence in our lives....how He's always working in us, even if we can't see it.

When my grandfather passed away last fall, I was devastated. And although the wounds are deep, the blessings he bestowed upon me are so much deeper. The wounds continue to heal. but I hope the scars remain vibrant so I always remember the impact he's made in my life.

I thank God for deep blessings.

receiving the truth

2009-08-04T07:56:00.000-07:00

Been thinking a lot about this lately....

"There is no such thing as finding one's purpose. It's about creating the conditions, for six months or six minutes, where your purpose can find you. It's not about asking what is the meaning of life, but rather asking what your life means. It's being willing to receive the truth of what you hear."

- Dawna Markova, I Will Not Die an Unlived Life

Am I creating the conditions for my purpose to find me? I think our culture teaches us the opposite - that it's about finding what you love and stopping at no cost to climb the ladder of success. We're taught that we're supposed to do the finding, not wait to be found.

I am occasionally envious of doctors and lawyers and artists, those people who seem to have it all figured out. They seem to have one job, one calling, one ambition.

The problem with me is that I truly believe I'll have 20 jobs, 30 callings, and 45 ambitions. Makes it hard to settle down when you feel like you're standing in sand.

But there's beauty in this way of living. Beauty in the ability to be surprised by what finds me. Beauty in receiving the truth. Beauty in how God is always preparing me for the next thing that comes my way.

So are you a finder or a receiver?

anxiety strikes

2009-07-30T07:37:00.000-07:00

Feeling anxious today. Praying for God to calm my soul.

losin' it

2009-07-28T08:41:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine from high school is losing it, literally. I'm so proud of her and she's such an inspiration that I've decided to let the world know something really scary....

Jeff and I signed up for the Music City Half-Marathon in Nashville next April. I'm not a runner. I'm terrified.

That said, I'm determined (today, at least) to make it happen.

If you have some inspiring words, please do share.

stuck in neutral

2009-07-24T09:11:00.000-07:00

Do you ever feel like the world is passing you by and your stuck in neutral? Welcome to my life. I can't seem to find the gas pedal lately. Maybe it's a symptom of summer. I'm praying that I'll find a way up out of this rut sooner rather than later.

deliberate confidence

2009-07-22T12:07:00.000-07:00

A good friend sent me this email recently (hope she doesn't mind me sharing it with you):

"Do you have any reading material you could recommend to me regarding the differences between the Calvinism/TULIP theology and the Wesleyan/Armenian theology? While my instincts and reason (along of course with how I was raised) lead me toward the Wesleyan side, lately I've been having more discussions with some people with the Reformed/Calvinist view. I'm trying to find a couple of books that might help me fully understand some of those theological differences and how they use Scripture to come up with their views. I feel like these discussions may come up more and I would love to just have a better understanding of why I align with the particular theology I align myself with."

This is what I love about a true friend - they email you out of the blue with incredibly profound questions. Like we never skipped a beat :)

Like any good Christian, I googled it first, found some good comparison charts and discussions (from reliable internet sources, of course) and forwarded them her way. Sure I wondered if any internet source could actually be reliable, but what the heck, right?

I pledged to rummage through our theological home library for some good books to recommend (I've yet to complete the pledge). In the meantime, this is what I've decided.

How do I know what I know? When it comes to theological topics, I'm deeply rooted in the Wesleyan Quadrilateral. I can't just depend on Scripture to provide the answers, although it is a primary source. I must include tradition and history of the Christian Church, my own reason (although it is imperfect), and my own personal experiences as a devoted follower of Christ.

In the end, we must admit that we will never completely understand God.There's this whole faith piece that must be added to the process of defining God's presence in the world. I think Oswald Chambers says it best,

"Faith is deliberate confidence in the character of God whose ways you may not understand at the time."

I hope I will always have deliberate confidence in the character of God.

delightfully polite

2009-07-20T11:59:00.000-07:00

My friend Laulie says I'm delightfully polite. She chuckled when I told the guy at the toll booth to have a nice day. She chuckled again when I gave directions to a man who was lost. She says I have this delightfully polite demeanor that is sick with sweetness.

The problem is, it isn't an act for me. I really do want to be polite to people. Whatever happened to being nice for the sake of being nice.

So, although Laulie didn't necessarily mean it as a compliment, I'm taking it as one.

Thank you Laulie (insert curtsy here).

The trouble with love...

2009-07-20T11:36:00.000-07:00

The trouble with identifying yourself as having a certain quality is that it immediately invites the naysayers to point out instances which prove you don't actually have said quality. For instance if my friend says "I'm a great listener," I start cataloging the numerous times her eyes glazed over during a long story or the moment when I needed her support the most and she used my words against me. So, I'm wondering by calling my blog, "Love is my name," how many invitations did I just send for you to prove me wrong?

I went on a mission trip a few weeks ago with a group of amazing high schoolers (and some amazing adult leaders) to Guatemala. The devotion book led us through what love really means - to give it, to receive it, to recognize it. One thing I realized continually is how I want to embody love in everything I do. All of this love-talk was inspired by this amazing quote:

“The root of Christian love is not the will to love, but the faith that one is loved. The faith that one is loved by God. The faith that one is loved by God although unworthy – or, rather, irrespective of one’s worth! In the true Christian vision of God’s love, the idea of worthiness loses its significance…

To say that I am made in the image of God is to say that love is the reason for my existence, for God is love. Love is my true identity. Selflessness is my true self. Love is my true character.Love is my name.”

-Thomas Merton, New Seeds of Contemplation

I can't count the many times I've gone over and over this quote, finding something new and inspiring each time. I love that, when you read something and each time it produces something fresh you hadn't noticed before.

So I journaled a lot that week about how to move forward with a newfound understanding of who God calls me to be. I've labored over my calling for many years, and although it's an ongoing process revealing new insight each time I take a deeper look, I am sure of one thing - I am sure that God has called me to BE love.

My language of love is ever-changing. I don't have it nailed down to gifts or time or words of affirmation. I fluctuate from language to language. So maybe I just haven't loved you like you needed me to. But did I care enough to ask you how you'd like to be loved?

I think that's the hardest thing about love. Sometimes it's hard to know how to give it. And it's hard to receive it if it's not in the form you expected.

Things I'm loving right now

2009-07-17T21:04:00.000-07:00

Crate & Barrel } Tamara sheet sets

Erin McCarley } amazing musician

The Bachelorette, Jillian Harris } love her style!

Greatest cupcakes ever.

Love is my name

2009-07-17T10:06:00.000-07:00

Love is My Name

Thomas Merton, New Seeds of Contemplation